Michael O’Leary – en galning eller din bästa lärare?

”Germans will crawl bollock-naked over broken glass to get low fares.”

”The French have never produced a great philosopher. Great wine maybe, but no great philosophers.”

”If drink sales are falling off, we get the pilots to engineer a bit of turbulence. That usually spikes sales.”

On passengers who forget to print their boarding passes: ”We think they should pay €60 for being so stupid.”

”Anyone who thinks Ryanair flights are some sort of bastion of sanctity where you can contemplate your navel is wrong. We already bombard you with as many in-flight announcements and trolleys as we can. Anyone who looks like sleeping, we wake them up to sell them things.”

”Ryanair brings lots of different cultures to the beaches of Spain, Greece and Italy, where they couple and copulate in the interests of pan-European peace.”

”One thing we have looked at is maybe putting a coin slot on the toilet door, so that people might actually have to spend a pound to spend a penny in the future. Pay-per-pee. If someone wanted to pay £5 to go to the toilet, I’d carry them myself. I would wipe their bums for a fiver.”

”Do we carry rich people on our flights? Yes, I flew on one this morning and I’m very rich.”

To a Ryanair employee who dared to join the Twitter Q&A: ”Get back to work you slacker or you’re fired.”

Opening a press conference to announce Ryanair’s annual results: ”I’m here with Howard Millar and Michael Cawley, our two deputy chief executives. But they’re presently making love in the gentleman’s toilets, such is their excitement at today’s results.”

On why his bride arrived 35 minutes late for their wedding: ”She’s coming here with Aer Lingus.”

”You’re not getting a refund so fuck off. We don’t want to hear your sob stories. What part of ’no refund’ don’t you understand?”

”Screw the travel agents. Take the fuckers out and shoot them. What have they done for passengers over the years?”

”Why are we carrying 81 million passengers if we’re this terrible? We have the lowest fares, we have brand-new aircraft, we have the most on-time flights. It sounds like kind of a fucking Mormon Moonie session but we do.”

”The most influential person in Europe in the last 20 to 30 years has been Margaret Thatcher. Without her we’d all be living in some French bloody unemployed republic.”

”We want to annoy the fuckers whenever we can. The best thing you can do with environmentalists is shoot them. These headbangers want to make air travel the preserve of the rich. They are luddites marching us back to the 18th century. If preserving the environment means stopping poor people flying so the rich can fly, then screw it.”
17 On the British Airways/Iberia merger: ”It reminds me of two drunks leaning on each other.”

”MBA students come out with: ’My staff is my most important asset.’ Bullshit. Staff is usually your biggest cost. We all employ some lazy bastards who needs a kick up the backside, but no one can bring themselves to admit it.”

His response to the first questioner, a woman, during a live Twitter Q&A: ”Nice pic. Phwoaaarr! MOL”

”All flights are fuelled with Leprechaun wee and my bullshit!”

”If global warming meant temperatures rose by one or two degrees, France would become a desert, which would be no bad thing. The Scots would grow wine and make buffalo mozzarella.”

”I’m Europe’s most underpaid and underappreciated boss. I’m paid about 20 times more than the average Ryanair employee and I think the gap should be wider.”

On transatlantic Ryanair flights: ”In economy, no frills. In business class, it’ll all be free – including the blow jobs.”

On Bertie Ahern: ”I’m disrespectful towards authority. I think the prime minister of Ireland is a gobshite”

”The airline industry is full of bullshitters, liars and drunks. We excel at all three in Ireland.”

”The airline business is it is mostly run by a bunch of spineless nincompoops who actually don’t want to stand up to the environmentalists and call them the lying wankers that they are.”

”People either see me as Jesus, Superman or an odious little shit. I think I’m Jesus. A prophet in his own time.

”Ryanair’s biggest achievement? Bringing low fares to Europe and still lowering ’em. Biggest failure? Hiring me.”

On a bomb scare in Scotland: ”The police force were outstanding in their field. But all they did was stand in their field. They kept passengers on board while they played with a suspect package for two and three quarter hours. Extraordinary.”

”I should get the Nobel peace prize – screw Bono.”

”Nobody wants to sit beside a really fat bastard on board. We have been frankly astonished at the number of customers who not only want to tax fat people but torture them.”

”I don’t give a shit if no one likes me. I’m not a cloud bunny or an aerosexual. I don’t like aeroplanes. I never wanted to be a pilot like those other platoons of goons who populate the airline industry.”

And finally, O’Leary on readers of this very organ: ”The chattering bloody classes, or what I call the liberal Guardian readers, they’re all buying SUVs to drive around London. I smile at these loons who drive their SUVs down to Sainsbury’s and buy kiwi fruit, flown in from New Zealand for Christ sakes. They’re the equivalent of environmental nuclear bombs!”